Well, it has been quite awhile since I have written a personal blog on where I am at in my life. I don’t want any pity from this blog; this is solely to help those of you going through difficult times to know there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.  I want people to understand they are not alone, we all face challenges throughout life some small and some large. It is how we deal with them and the person we mold into afterwards that matter!

The last five months have been quite the roller coaster. In November my back started hurting quite a bit and no amount of rest seemed to help. At first, I figured it was just overworked from the last year of intense competition preps and many shoots. So after my shoot with Ironman for the 2012 Swimsuit Edition in November 2011, I took about a week off. I then headed to Nationals in Miami with my clients who were competing. After the trip my back felt worse, I figured it was just from flying and took a couple days off from training. From this time on I battled this constant off and on pain that seemed to be getting worse and not better even with rest. So I finally went to the Doctor, who then sent me for X-rays and then finally an MRI in January. During this time I had to take time off of work. One day I would feel ok and the next I wouldn’t be able to even move.  After the MRI it showed I had two bulged discs and degenerative disc disease (which sounds much worse than it really is) By February I finally received my first epidural injection in my back.  I was so excited thinking that this would be the beginning of me getting back on track, well it wasn’t. It took another shot a month later and finally I started to feel like I was going to get back on track at this point. Well win you throw a week of influenza and a sinus infection, oh and not to mention dropping a 45lb plate on my foot just last week, it took just a little bit longer. Right now I feel like I am finally on my road to recovery.

People face challenges everyday and my challenges are nothing compared to what many people have to deal with.  Above I have written about all of the physical problems I had faced, but what you don’t really know about is the depression that came along with it.  The last five months have been the hardest months I have ever faced. For some it may sound silly and for those who know me may think that is crazy because they know I have been through other situations, which to them most likely, take the cake. However, for me my current state was far worse. I started loosing hope that I would never be the same strong, happy, full of life, motivated girl I have always been. I am here to tell you I am not there yet, but I am on my way.  This was a time in my life where I never thought I would be the same person ever again.  I stress that because when things aren’t going the way you want, it is very difficult to see a light at the end. But there is, it isn’t easy to find, trust me. The light may come and go in the process of healing too, just remember to reach out to those who love you. Never be afraid to talk about your problems with people who truly care about you or maybe even a non-biased person, like a therapist. Whatever helps get you on your road to recovery, just do it. I don’t want anyone to ever lose hope even in the worst of times. Reach out to those around you for help and never try conquering your problems on your own that is what family and friends are for! I know it sounds cliché, but remember, WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER1